I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
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Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
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I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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