this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
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