what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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