Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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