He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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