i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
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