took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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