i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
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He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
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Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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