Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize