I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize