He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize