I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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