Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize