I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize