Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
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In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
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