she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
They're putting plan B in vending machines now. My life just got so much easier.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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