he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
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