just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
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