i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
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