don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
No he reached for my hand at the beach. I pretended to be a seagull.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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