come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize