Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
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She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
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I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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