Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
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we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
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