I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize