he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
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You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
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I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
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