just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize