help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
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Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
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I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
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