I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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