it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Randomize