I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
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