I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
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I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
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Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
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