You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
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Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
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