I wannas sexs uuuuu
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
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He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
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Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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