I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Ladies don't puke and tell
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize