You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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