she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Randomize