she left her pants. im pretty sure she grabbed mine on accident. im like 9 man sizes bigger than her. wtf
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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