Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
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either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
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can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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