i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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