hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize