They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
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Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
we should paint friendship bongs
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