You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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