Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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