on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
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I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
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I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
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