The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
Randomize