My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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