I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize