All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize