Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize