He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So right before she was about to give me head she tapped the tip and said "Is this thing on" I think I'm in love.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
there's crying, and people are upset, and there's a love triangle, and a broken heart, and so much estrogen
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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